Little Miss Awkward

I just can’t help it!!

Is the grass greener on the other side?

secretary.gif I have just deleted a post worth of stuff because I thought it was highly inappropriate. I didn’t realise I was such a prude when it comes to talking about my sex life.  When I am with my friends, I can talk about sex endlessly, and I like reading about other people’s sex lives (especially my blog buddies) but I can’t bring myself to write about it- how weird is that?? What makes it weirder is that it is highly unlikely that I will ever meet the readers of my blog but I still feel embarrased writing about it 🙂 Anyway if you are wondering what my deleted post was about, it really wasn’t that exciting, just my general horny-ness and lack of bedroom action.

This week I am on a work attachment with another company, and you know that feeling you get when you experience something good and you just want more of it. That is exactly how I felt, I love being there, it is such a creative environment with a great buzz. This is the sort of place where they have business/brainstorming meetings in the pub, they come to work in jeans and trainers, and the environment is so relaxed. While there all I just kept thinking was ‘I want to work here with you lovely people’, and found myself trying to impress them. I made sure everyone who would listen knew that I was interested in working there.  You know that saying about going for what you want because it will not come to you, I was going for it big style. I am not that sort of person that pushes themselves forward like that, and I felt a bit of a sleaze bag doing it. I was the sort of person that makes me cringe, you know that person that is uber-ambitious and is not afraid to make it known that they want something, but I really wanted to work in this place so badly.

While I was there being a career slut and looking at ways to get a job offer short of getting down on my knees and begging, I remembered that in a few weeks time, off I go on my french adventure. So the question came up, JOB vs FRANCE?? Dream job or new adventures, which would you choose? 

Jumping the gun a bit, considering they are not offering me a job 🙂 yet (still have two days to convince them that they need me) but can I turn down an opportunity of a lifetime, for a year bumming around in the South of France, getting shit faced on fine wine and orgasmic food, and hopefully coping off with some sexy french men with equally sexy french accents. Decisions, Decisions!!

January 30, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Work | 5 Comments

Hooray for Dr Kawashima!!!

atari.png As the proud owner of a Nintendo DS lite, I knew that the game to honour my handheld console was Dr Kawashima’s Brain Training. Being the nerd that I am, I religiously do my brain training every single day, and to say my brain age has improved drastically since the first time I did it. My initial brain age was 90 but now I am down to 25-whoohoh!!!

To be honest I don’t believe all that brain age bollocks but it is serious fun. Don’t care much for the reading aloud exercises but now I get to play hours upon hours of Sudoku and get a congratulations and fan fare at the end of each game. I know I am being a bit sad but that’s okay its’ cool to be a nerd!!

An ex-boyfriend of mine asked me what I wanted for my birthday, it wasn’t money, jewellery, clothes, holiday, nope. It was a gameboy. Not the bulky ones but the lighter ones that came out after. I was so excited by this present- let’s just say I showed ex-boyfy how grateful I was 😉  I have even treated myself to an Atari joystick. You just plug it into your TV and you get those old games that you used to love like asteroids, tennis e.t.c  Nothing like nostalgia aye…

Sorry if I have bored anyone to tears with my nerdy rant but if you do have a Nintendo DS Lite, invest in Dr Kawashima’s Brain Training.

January 22, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll | 7 Comments

Commuter Rage

train.jpg One thing I am not going to miss about good old blighty is the travelling to work on so-called public transport. I resent paying extiornate fares for really crap service. I mean I am paying good money to listen to some some spotty teenager that does not get what the ‘personal’, in personal stereo/mp3 means, or someone who does not understand the concept of soap and water or some crisp suited, city wide boy, dickhead who feels the need to broker is next big deal on a train packed full of people.

City dickhead: <sounding like a very very loud Hugh Grant> ya, ya, tell him I am interested in those quotes, can you email it to my Blackberry? …..we have a meeting scheduled for this afternoon to discuss the neuron deal but I am stuck on this bloody train, what a nightmare….just hold the forte.

I am sitting there thinking, I hope his bloody Blackberry gets nicked the flashy bastard. You would think he was the only person to have one.

On my way home this evening was the worst day of commuting so far this year and we are only in January. It was bad enough that the train was late, it was rampacked. I had the indignity of being a roast beef filling in a rather unsavoury manwich. I was stuck in threesome that I had no say in. As a rather average height girlie, the unfortunate guy in the front of this manwich was taller than average therefore he had my breath on the back of his neck. Gratefully I had skipped the garlic bread at lunch but the guy behind me was rather worrying. I felt something poking me from behind and it definitely was not an umbrella. To add to this, the thing poking me seemed to be moving in a rather circular way, and although I know that the motion of train causes people to bump into each other but I felt that this had nothing to do with the train. I have no proof but I think this man was using this opportunity to get a cheap thrill. Then their was the guy on my right, whose breathing was a bit to heavy for my liking (if there was a good excuse to give up smoking – he was it). I am sure this scenario would have been somewhat pleasurable in other circumstances but this time it wasn’t.

So I am standing there trying to hold my breath (for the benefit of the guy in front), clenching my buttocks (to discourage the guy behind), as well as keeping a furtive eye on my handbag (this environment is a pick pocket’s paradise) as well as trying to hold on for dear life, so I don’t head butt the guy in front or step on some woman’s bunions. I know women are supposed to be able to multi-task but this is a taking the piss. For a brief moment I was glad I had washed my hair because I thought the guy behind was so close he could smell the conditioner. Then I thought why am I worried about having pleasant smelling hair for some random dude who is gallantly trying to dry hump me from behind?

However I heard that France’s transport system is not that much better but I can’t imagine any transport system that is worse. Even in New York, at least you are entertained by people somersaulting up and down the carriages, selling really tacky toys, or singing. Even the crazy people on their subways provide some entertainment for onlookers, if they don’t stab you-they will make you laugh 🙂 . The closest thing we have on my train is the bible basher, from time to time, some man comes on clutching a rather worn bible and gives a speech that goes something like this;

Gooood mourning ladies and gantlemen, I haf bin sent here by the most high. you are all sinnas in d highs of the Lord but it is not too late. <screams> repent all you sinnas, your Lord loves you, e is ready to hembrace you in his loving harms.  many of you partake in fornication, in pornography, in halcohol, in drukks but diss are the weapons of the devil, what he uses to grab you. <screams> renounce the devil, hi tell you renounce the devil. God is telling me to tell you to <screams> renounce the devil.

There are those rare occasions when there is a brave comedian on board who comes up with a great comeback like;

Comedian: God is speaking to me right now….
BibleBasher: <screams> amen my brother..
Comedian: God is telling me to tell ya to shut the fark up
<sniggers of laughter from fellow passengers>

I never get people that do that, if there was anything that would turn me off religion it would be a man yelling in my ear about the virtues of God. People will just think you are crazy..

January 15, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Rant | 9 Comments

The Respectable Face Of Racism?

ballerina.jpg For this past few weeks, there has been this story about Simone Clarke a principal dancer with the English National Ballet who has been outed as a member of the British National Party (BNP). The BNP are a far right ‘political’ party, who are known as an extremely racist group, whose members used to be skin head, tattoed, louts who want to keep Britain ‘white’. However they have been clever in recent years as to try and put up a front of respectability by ditching the rough, loutish image that is usually associated with them. I hasten to make no apologies for my obvious distain off them because as a black person,  they stand against everything I am.

Anyway back to Simone Clarke, what really confuses me about her is for someone who is a supporter of the BNP, she is a living contradiction of her beliefs. Her partner is Yat-Sen Chang (who she has a child with) is a chinese/cuban immigrant, who himself will not be allowed to join the BNP and she is one of only two british dancers in the English National Ballet. Her reasons for joining the BNP was that she felt that immigration in the UK was ‘getting out of hand’. Does she really not understand that if the BNP had their way her partner would not even be in this country? Or is she strong enough in her beliefs to tell the other fourteen or more dancers in her ballet company that their presence in this country is adding to this problem she is so worried about?

I had always liked to believe that people that belonged to the BNP,  were those who needed something or something  to blame for their own failures in life, or those who were made to be part of something when the outside world had rejected them. Having someone who seemed to be respectable, educated (I am guessing),  and talented swallow the tripe that the BNP feeds out worries me because I always thought racism was all about ignorance. Saying that Simone being a BNP member and coming home to her chinese/cuban partner smacks of ignorance to me. I mean what kind of messages is she going to be give her child? I love you and your father darling but it is the others I don’t like…

January 13, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Rant | 7 Comments

Neighbours From Hell-Part Two

fire.jpg As I settle down with a relaxing cup of camomile, and ready to soak up the drama that will inevitably unfold in Wisteria Lane, I hear banging from my neighbours side of the wall!! Who the hell does home improvements at this time of the night? Sitting their watching Bree’s unusually perfect hair and Susan being her usual annoying self, – the banging continues. That smell, Omigod, I have left the grill on. <enter kitchen>  Hmm, how curious the grill is not on…… <loud banging on kitchen window> It is alcoholic neighbour;

AlkiNeighbour: Hiya luv, ermm…i fink..i ermm fink me harse is on fire
<strong stench of smoke engulfing the air>

I peer out and a big cloud of smoke is gushing out of his window. What the hell is this man on, all this smoke and he ‘finks’ his ‘harse’ is on fire?? Has he missed the beer bottle and headed straight to the crack pipe?

LittleMissAwkard: Have you called the fire brigade?
AlkiNeighbour: ermmm..nah
LittleMissAwkward: <trying to be calm as hell> wotcha you mean nah, can’t you see you’re place is on fire
<which means if it is not sorted it out quick sharpish my place will be on fire too>

I call the fire brigade, and God bless them they arrived at the speed of lighting. Let me just say men in uniform do absolutely nothing for me but the way those guys came in, took control and sorted everything out. I would have had one of their babies right there and then. Hell why am I lying, like an unemployed hoe, I would have had a baby for every single one of those twelve men.  Those fire brigade guys were amazing!!

Anyway while all the chaos was going on, alkineighbour was walking around looking in a daze with his cross-eyed self. It wasn’t the kind of daze that people in shock have, it was like an alcoholic/drug daze (can’t really tell the difference). So now my alkineighbour burnt his home down (and almost mine). I feel bad for him but I couldn’t help thinking what if it crossed over to my flat, what would I do? I know it is selfish way of thinking but couldn’t help it..

January 9, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Rant | 5 Comments

New Year’s Resolutions!!

champagne.jpg Here we are, three days into 2007. A new year, fresh hopes and of course brand new resolutions. Has anyone made any resolutions? When asked I always tell people that I don’t make resolutions but that is a big fat lie..In my mind I do make them because what a new year does is gives us that platform to change things in our lives that we are unhappy about like our jobs, our bad habits and ourselves. I deny making any because if I do fail to keep up with them, no one else knows about it 🙂 I made the usual ones;

1)  Be more punctual (these one I am not doing too badly with…so far)

2)  Get rid of those pesky extra pounds/take full advantage of my gym membership (this I am not doing badly with and am determined to succeed in)

3) Be more patient with my mother (already broken this one as she can try the patience of a Saint)

4) Don’t be such a worry wart ( I worry for England, always trying to divert things that have not happened yet)

5) Be more careful with my finances as the saying goes ‘look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves’-kinda know what this means (I have already broken this one somewhat as I couldn’t resist buying a nintendo ds lite, but darn it I work hard and I deserve to treat myself once in a while, don’t I?)

Aside from all this promises that I made to myself, I go into 2007 feeling excited about the future. In a couple of months I will be moving to France, with no expectations and fully prepared to enjoy every good experience and learn from the bad ones. The future for me is looking good and I can honestly say I have no complaints. Roll on 2007!!!

January 3, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Uncategorized | 5 Comments