Little Miss Awkward

I just can’t help it!!

What Am I Doing?

french-flag.jpg These past few days, I have been flat hunting in France, and just generally scooping my new home for the next year or so. It has now suddenly dawned on me what a huge step that I am taking. For the first time I sat back and asked myself, what in the world am I doing? I don’t know anybody, my grasp of the French language is somewhat sketchy. A lady at some agency told me in not so many words that this made me virtually unemployable. To say I am seriously shitting myself is the biggest understatement in the world….ever!

I have saved up enough money to survive two months, well three if I live on bread and water but after that, what becomes of me. I am so petrified. Everyone one around me thinks I am being this great adventurer, this person taking the step that they all wish that they had the balls to. But as I sit in my hotel room, I see the reality as being somewhat different.

On my first day here, I got my first experience of the world renowned French rudeness, and I thought ‘ooh how fun and exciting’ but I know that the novelty is soon going to wear off.  I got into a cab from the train station with my huge suitcase and told the driver where I wanted to go in my pigeon French.  A second later, I got this torrent of abuse and dismay from this guy, despite being in French, I understand perfectly well what his problem was. He did not feel the distance to my hotel warranted a cab ride and to be fair I understood his point, as he was probably waiting in the taxi rank queue for approximately half an hour only to end up picking up a 4 Euro fare. The thing about the French, unlike the British they make no bones about it – if they are pissed off, they tell you about it.  My guilt meant I ended up tipping more that the actual fare, not that I could afford to do that.

In my hotel, I was fascinated watching American and British Programmes, dubbed over in French. CSI was called ‘Les Experts’  🙂  and their version of ‘Wheel of Fortune’ has a laughable Victoria Silvstedt as the co-host, who has a habit of shaking her womanly assets at every opportunity and flirting with the co-host, who just happens to have a dog companion. However instinct tells me that the host would prefer a Victor rather than the ample bosomed Victoria.

Anyway on my way back home, and I am scarily looking forward to getting on that airplane back to London. What the hell am I doing?????????


March 21, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Uncategorized | 14 Comments

A day in the life of..

tv.jpg Took the week off work to get my bits in order for my move, and I can honestly say that it has been counter productive.  Have not got as much as I would like done. I wish someone would just come in and organise everything for me, like you get on those makeover shows. You know the type of shows when a total stranger bulldozes into your life, takes the reins and hey presto sorts your life within an hour, give or take a few commercial breaks.

Being off work has given me an insightful look at the lives of the unemployed and uneducated.  It is amazing how many young people I saw on the street, who I knew should be within the confines of a school. I am not that old, and that innocent- I used to bunk off school once in a while and hang out with my friends. However I had already chosen my funeral song because if my mother ever found out I knew my untimely demise was on the horizon. The kids nowadays are so brazen about their truancy, they aren’t in school, they hang around the corner intimidating pensioners and half heartedly trying to stop their pit bulls (the latest acccessory)  from ripping  shreds off innocent passer-bys.

Next door the workmen are hard at work restoring the charred flat back to its’ crappy former glory. I was praying that the drunken neighbour was not going to return, at least not until my new tenants are settled in. In my warped imagination, the fire next door was God’s way of throwing me a bone by getting rid of neighbour from hell and his band of drunken not-so-merry men.  Oh well, I am relying on the unreliability of workmen to work quickly and efficiently.

This week I have also been re-introduced to the joys of daytime television. Watching Oprah, Dr Phil, and double helpings of Frasier (the best sitcom in the world), now I know why people don’t want to work. In a space of a day, I have learnt how to ‘get real with my life’, courtesy of Dr Phil, ‘appreciate what I have in my life’, courtesy of billionairess Oprah, learnt that if I swallow 10 kilograms of heroin, Australian airport security would not be too pleased. To be fair  they are also none too pleased if you attempt to bring in an apple because it might harbour pests that might  destroy Aussie crops causing untold damage to the country’s economy (courtesy of the narrator).

Aussie airport security can smell criminals from a mile off, and I am not talking about their sniffer dogs. However it has to be said, if you are sweating profusely, shaking like leaf, pissing your pants  and stuttering when asked what your name is,  it is a bit of a give way that you are up to no good.  

Whoever said that TV was not educational needs their head read. Although I have not done much work today, I would like to think that my brain has been worked.  

March 8, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Rant, Work | 3 Comments

Counting Down…

Apparently moving house is one of the most stressful things adults go through, it is up there with divorce. Now I understand why because these past few weeks have been immensely stressful. My impending move to France is literally round the corner and I am in the midst of packing all my worldly belongings. I did not realise how much crap I was hoarding till now. I live in such a small space, how the hell did I accumulate a lot of stuff? If I was to give anyone a piece of advice just don’t have a lot of stuff, period. I am finding it hard to let go off things and throw them out. I watched a programme once that said that if you haven’t used something in a year, then you don’t need it. Well easier said than done. I can’t help thinking if i throw some things away, I am going to regret it. Hence, that is why I am making no progress.

The moving house is a small part of my stress, I am not just moving house, but moving to another country, therefore my stress is double. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited, heck I have not had time to be excited.

It is like running a mini-military operation, making sure certain things are disconnected at the right time, and informing the right people of the right thing at the right time. Just thinking about everything that needs doing makes me break out in rash or sweat 🙂  My head is in a bit of a whirlwind at the moment but I pray that it all comes together.

I have added a new addition to my blog, the video section. Absolutely loving it, and I am not gonna lie, I saw it on Cat’s blog and I knew I just had to have one 🙂 Feel like a kid in a candy store, couldn’t decide which ones to add. Hundreds and thousands and millions of music out there, how are you supposed to pick? Anyway enjoy!!!

March 6, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Rant | 10 Comments