Little Miss Awkward

I just can’t help it!!

Siamese Twins

twins.jpg I was inspired to write this post by Chitty’s latest blog entry. Very early on during my stay in France, I met a really nice guy, who I would call the first friend I made here. Francois* was unbelievably generous with his time, friendship and support. He was extremely encouraging and helped me so much. When we met up, we had interesting conversations about himself, his/my life, his/my worries and hopes. Then he began dating a girl called Simone* and this has changed our relationship.

I totally understand that when you start seeing someone you want to spend as much time with that person. My issue is not that I don’t get to see F as much as I want, we never really saw each other that much in the first place, so it really isn’t a problem. The problem is that whenever we do meet up she has to be there. Usually I am the more the merrier type but her presence means that we never really have conversations about meaningful stuff anymore. And I sometimes catch her giving me looks. When we are all together, there are uncomfortable periods of silence. Like we have nothing to talk about, because we don’t. It now feels like hard work whenever we talk.

I don’t know if she thinks I am after him because I really don’t see him in that way. Never have and never will. I also have this inkling that F might be gay. Like someone once said, my feelings are that he is so way back in the closet, he could have a second home in Narnia. I might be wrong but my instincts tell me that might be the case. Also before S and F became Siamese twins he confided in me that he does not have the same feelings for her, as she does for him.

I read  Almost French by Sarah Turnbull a while back. She wrote about her experiences living in France with a guy she met on her travels. She describes the cold treatment she received from one of her partner’s female friends. This reminded me a lot of that. Don’t get me wrong, S makes an effort with me but I know she doesn’t like having me around, so why does she come when I meet up with F.

Is it unreasonable for you boyfriend to have female friends? Surely it is okay to have your own friends, both male and female? Can they only meet up when you are present? Would I be okay with my boyfriend meeting a female friend for coffee? Oh I don’t know, maybe I am being totally unreasonable.

 *obviously not real names

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September 13, 2007 - Posted by | Blogroll, France, Rant, Romance

2 Comments »

  1. Hmm. My ex had shagged (or was still shagging) most of his female friends. Most of Jez’s female friends live abroad in Spain or Paris or Poland (which makes huge language barrier problems but I’ll talk about that on my blog rather than yours!)
    I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. But as long as you and your man know that you’re so in love with each other that anyone else could only ever be a friend, and also as long as you trust each other sufficiently, then everything can be fine.
    I have lots of male friends. But sometimes they then go and totally undermine our friendship by making it clear that actually, they want something more. I usually put distance between myself and such friends.
    I was the victim of a siamese-twinning boyfriend, it drove so many of my friends away always to have him there. But since he has gone, many of my friends have come back. I hope this is the same for you and Francois, especially if he’s living in Narnia!
    Love the way you write Sugar, you put the most complex of thoughts into the simplest terms x

    Comment by Miss Despina | September 13, 2007 | Reply

  2. Not unreasonable at all as long as it is all above bored and you re not keeping your friends a secret from your partner.
    The onus is not on you to make her feel at ease. It is on him. Perhaps he did something or is doing something that makes her see other women (even friends) as a threat. Maybe she senses what you are sensing about him.

    Comment by chitty | September 14, 2007 | Reply


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