Little Miss Awkward

I just can’t help it!!

Hold the mirror up to yourself

 My last post was a bit premature methinks…. As I came out of hibernation, I went right back. Why because to be perfectly honest, there has been nowt going on. However I have been reading the blogs as always. I heard something recently that made me think a lot and I thought I ought to share (Be proud Oprah be very proud). The summary was what we don’t like in others, we don’t like in ourselves. I am not sure what to make of this because there are some qualities in people that I really don’t like and I know I am totally the opposite. I like to think I am very self aware 🙂 So I decided to make a mental list of my defauts (as the French like to call it) and share them with you. I feel a bit exposed listing my ‘defaults’ but I admire other bloggers who are honest, and think it is brave and I am taking comfort in the fact that no one I know personally will read this. Yes I am a big chicken. Here goes:

  • I give up WAYYYY too easily. Which means I am one of those people that tries things, if it gets too hard or looks like it will be hard, will abandon it and move unto something else.
  • I REALLY care what people think but pretend I don’t.
  • When I am wrong it is hard (virtually impossible) for me to admit it. I will argue the shit out of my point, knowing full well the other person is right.
  • When something is done to upset me by someone else, I am too scared to say something about it in case they stop liking me.
  • I hate that I am not tidy. I can’t keep tidy. My room, my car, helluva mess. When I try to tidy, it still looks messy. I have no organisational skills.
  • I get upset when people don’t invite me to things but when they do I find a way to avoid going (Yes I know, I am weird).
  • I don’t seem to have any self-control/discipline.
  • I can hold a grudge for a longgggggggggggggggggggg time. No I mean longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time and I totally sweat the small stuff.
  • I can be manipulative (hate this so much).
  • I buy a lot of things I don’t need just to possess it. Wasting a lot of money. I am bad with money.
  • I seek and need validation.
  • I hate asking for things that I am within my rights to because I don’t want to be perceived as a pest – this one comes from knowing someone who demands so much it is exhausting and in an effort not to be like that I go the other way.
  • It is important to me that people think I am clever.
  • I can be quite selfish

I am not going to tag anyone to do this but if you are brave enough and want to put your business out there like I have. Feel free. I recommend it, it is quite therapeutic to get it out. If you do use this on your blog, and you are not on my list of blog links, please tell me so i can pop over to your blog to have a look!!!

  • Oh forgot one, I am well nosey 😉

Disclaimer: I didn’t copy this idea from anywhere but it seems other bloggers have done a similar thing, so here are some of them.

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October 17, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Rant, Romance, Work | 2 Comments

Fleeting Flirtations par email

I have not seen him in a long while but since our email exchange, I have not been able to think about anything else or wipe the silly smile off my face. Roll on Wednesday!!

May 30, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Romance, Work | Leave a comment

Ermmm do I know you?

 I have to admit being a single girl, I am on the look-out (yes, yes, I know it never happens when you look for it). Well I wasn’t looking for it and it happened. Well not happened, happened but happenedish or might happen. Anyway explanation necessary methinks. [Aside:I have just polished off an Auchan version of pringles in a space of ten minutes and I wonder why the scales aren’t moving in the right direction]

Back at the ranch, arrived at my bus stop carrying my Mary Poppins bag (called that because it could fit a mercedes, swimming pool and has roomfor a pony), and spent a good five minutes trying to locate my mp3 player. Found it and spent another five minutes trying to detangle the headphones. A man at the bus stop I had not paid any attention to came up to me and said in French, “Are you going to turn that on so no one speaks to you?” [Aside: My french is getting so much better yay]. I smile and say no that it is just a habit I have when I commute. So to summarise this encounter, bus stop man is from Paris, doing a course, on his way back to Paris, enquires about my relationship status and invites me to visit Paris for the weekend. To summarise my response, I tell bus stop man that I am in a relationship and my boyfriend is around (big fat lie, as if I will go to Paris to visit a guy I met at a bus stop and talked to for ten minutes. I am hungry but I have not reached starvation point, if you know what I mean). I was rescued from this uncomfortable situation by the timely arrival of my bus.

Later that day on my way back to the office, as I exit the metro via the escalators, I realise I am being one of those annoying people who stands smack in the centre of the escalator, annoying that person who wants to walk up it. I am not usually this thoughtless but I was playing with my headphones again. So a guy nudges me and I turn to him and apologise letting him past. I reach the office, trying to retrieve the keys from the MP bag and  turn around to see the same elevator guy next to me. He tells me he sells womens clothes (nice and random conversation opener), I smile and say ‘good for you’ (thinking, ooookay weirdo). Summary of conversation, he lives in Italy, visiting his sister here, is half Italian, half Trinidadian, he enquires about my place of residence, and relationship status and he doesn’t carry a pen or a phone 😉

As you can probably deduce, I decided to give him my number because besides the weird ice breaker, it was quite a normal pleasant conversation and I thought I shouldn’t be soooo cautious all the time. Do something crazy and give a random stranger your phone number. As he didn’t have a pen and as I couldn’t be bothered rooting inside MP bag to get one, he memorised my number. One of my flatmates thinks he will remember it and the other thinks he will forget it. I am hinging my bets on the latter. I have had my number for over a year and I still don’t know it by heart, so what chance has he got. We shall see.

The thing is I am always wary of these sort of random encounters because call me weird but I think it IS weird when a man tries chatting you up within a space of seeing you for around five seconds. In my head, I think I bet he does it a lot. I imagine that the thought process for them is like fishing, cast your net wide enough your bound to catch something. Maybe I am being too harsh about this but last time this happened, it didn’t turn out well, remember Jean and the date.

I would be really interested to hear the weirdest and most random ways and places you have met people you have dated, or gone out with or even married.

May 28, 2008 Posted by | Battle of the Bulge, Blogroll, France, Music, Romance, Uncategorized, Work | Leave a comment

My Top Ten Hotties

Cat did this on her blog and I am totally nicking it. Here is my Top 10 list of men that I fancy something rotten. I have to warn you, who people fancy is a  subjective thing, so remember that when you lol at some of my choices 🙂

10. Dave Chappelle

One of the funniest comedians in my opinion. He is skinny bordering on scrawny but I think he is luvvly. The fact he is funny adds to his appeal.

9. Benecio del Toro

I have a penchant for the older man and here is one of them. The thing with BDL as I like to call him is on most days he looks like a cross between Saddam Hussein, a werewolf, a homeless guy and Che Guevra. He has the look of someone who smokes 60 a day and drinks his whisky neat, just damn right unhealthy but God I love him.

8. Adam Sevani

Here comes the cradle robbing entry. This falls under the category of nerdy cute.  I have to admit if it wasn’t for the fact that he could do this, I am not sure if I would still harbour the same feelings. I am a sucker for a man who can breakdance, tap dance, pop and lock, tektonik, krump, tango, salsa, do ballet basically just dance. I mean dance that uses skill not just flapping about like an eel on dry land. Besides Adam also has great hair.

7. Alejandro Sanz

This latin love god for me has that husky voice that could makes me swoon. When he is not busy being Shakira’s duet buddy, he is being adored by lots of females, me included.

6. Harold Perrineau

Most of you know him from’Lost’ but I fell in love with him when he was the wheelchaired inmate in ‘OZ’ (really recommend this series). He has this overbite that I find extremely cute. Did I mention I like guys with ‘quirks’?

5. Liam Neeson

Another ‘mature’ bloke. I think he is extremely sexy, and he is about 7ft something (ok slight exaggeration) but he is fit. Okay this picture makes him look 100 and something but honestly he is well fit 🙂 I really love his kinda of broken nose. Yes I am peculiar.

4. William Peterson

Yes another ‘mature’  one and can you blame me. As Grissom in CSI, he is smart and nerdy but that all adds to his appeal. He is like fine wine, just gets better with age!!

3. Colin Salmon

One of the most underrated British actors in my opinion. He is so suave and smooth, without being a nob with it. First noticed him in Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren, and knew he was one to keep an eye on. I have kept my eye on him ever since 😉

2. Matthew Mcconaughy

This is not just about his chiseled good looks or seriously hot bod, I actually don’t go for that kind of thing but I like his free spirit and his naked bongo playing type escapades. He just doesn’t give a damn.

1. Gary Dourdan

Let’s ignore his recent drug possession charge shall we and just appreciate his loveliness. I mean even on his mug shot he manages to look okayish 🙂 Fans of CSI will recognise him as Warwick, but I have appreciated him since he was on ‘Different World’ yonks ago.

I am not going to tag anyone to do this but I sure would be interested to find out what sort of guy or gal gets other bloggers going.

May 18, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, Romance, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Accessory to Infidelity? Part deux

In the morning following J’s return from her guitar strumming hippie fest, the atmosphere was so dense, you could cut it with a knife. This had nothing to do with the folded up blankets on the couch. This was more to do with J’s annoyance that G knew she was going to be back last night but was not home to paricipate in some kind of welcome-home-I-missed-you ritual. To add insult to injury, G stumbled in at 0230 in the morning.

In the morning, G got up first to Girl’s astonishment as she was the one out on the lash the night before. Girl promptly informed G that J had inquired as to who slept over here. The breakfast table was a bit of an awkward affair for Girl, as she could sense J’s annoyance at G, and G’s awareness of J’s annoyance. The day before J had told Girl that G had not called or sent a text while she was away, which also annoyed her and gave her the impression that G did not miss her or frankly give a shit. J had asked Girl if G was away alot at the weekend. Girl who is hating this replies that G has been ‘in and out’. 

Donc, back to the breakfast table. The moment Girl has been dreading came up, J asked who stayed over. G with a coolness that Fonzie would be proud of informs her it was Melissa. At this point Girl takes a more than usual interest in the jar of Nutella that was in her sight. The nutty smell is the key to this sinfully glorious spread. Wow!! Girl marvelled at the unsurprising 530 calories that was in a 100g of this stuff. So what does that make a teaspoon. As Girl was spreading a possible 530 calories worth of Nutella on her Wasa (Ryvita type thing), she casts a furtive eye at J to gauge her reaction. Girl swore she saw a lump form in J’s throat. Girl cannot bear to look at G. J with the quiet dignity of a Tudorian Queen sips her coffee, and acts as if she has been told that she has a piece of fluff on her jumper. The sense of hurt is palpable.

Alone with G, she looks at Girl and cheerily informs her that J was fine about it. Girl asks G if she really thought that J was not bothered, which from her reaction she knew she was. So Girl was relieved that there was no throwing of sharp objects but something tells Girl that if G had messed with half the French rugby team and half the netball team, J will not go anywhere. The power of love aye!!

May 14, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Music, Rant, Romance, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Accessory to Infidelity?

 Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a beautiful appartment with a couple, Jill and Gillian. One weekend J  went away to a music festival to listen and play music with other like minded music loving hippies. A couple of hours after J left, G was sad and upset because she was missing her girlfriend. This sadness did not last long because G went out partying all night long.

At 5am Girl was awoken by soft music and chit chatter. Girl was not pleased at having her sleep disturbed but used the opportunity to answer a nature call, Girl went downstairs and G looked deep in intimate cosy conversation with a strange woman, who Girl was later to learn was called ‘Melissa’. Girl felt like a little girl who has just caught mummy doing something with someone that wasn’t daddy. Girl did not witness anything physical, as in PHYSICAL but could sense there was something happening that would not be happening if J was around, that’s for sure.

Next morning, Girl awoke to find Melissa sleeping on the couch. Luckily G was not with her, now that would have been awkward. Melissa woke up shortly after and went upstairs to see G, who was in bed. That definitely would not happen if J was home. She stayed a while upstairs with G then came down got dressed, ate some cereal and left. Girl looked at G, who had the guiltiest smile plastered on her face. Girl demanded an explanation for this brazen display of sluttery. Gill said M was infact an ex-girlfriend and said nothing happened. Girl didn’t believe her but G was insistent. However if nothing happened, could the same nothing have happened if J was home. Girl asked G whether she was going to mention this ‘innocent’ event to J, G was not forthcoming. So Girl said she wouldn’t mention it to J as it was not my place to do that. However following deeper conversation Girl finds out that G is in fact really attracted to a guy she works with. WTF?? Girl wonders if she is living in a bad soap opera.

J comes home while G is out partying as she has been all weekend and sees the folded-up blankets on the couch. G promptly asks Girl who stayed over at the weekend, Girl felt lump in her throat and expertly avoided answering the question the first two times J asked it. The third time was not easy to escape answering, so Girl vaguely said she couldn’t remember what the person’s name was. Damn G why didn’t she get rid of the damn evidence. So now Girl feels that there is some shit going to hit the fan and is not at all happy feeling like an accessory to this.

May 11, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Music, Rant, Romance | 2 Comments

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

Will be seeing guy from previous post tomorrow?

February 5, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, Music, Romance, Uncategorized, Work | 3 Comments

Fleeting flirtations

romance.jpg I have not had a date in absolutely ages and I am gagging for one. I am fine being a single gal, and I am definitely not one of those women that feels that I need a man to validate my existence. But there are some times when some attention is nice and lately I have been wanting that. Meeting people is extremely difficult especially if like me you are not the biggest social butterfly. So my only opportunities have been at work.

For a while every week, there is this guy that I meet at work. We have this playful, jokey relationship. Before we had the Christmas break before leaving he said to me, ‘Have a great Christmas, there will be great things for you and me next year’. Being a girl, I analysed this statement to death. Does he mean 2008 is going to a good year for us seperately? Or does he mean that it will be a good year for us together? Or is it an Italian saying (he is Italian)? Whichever way he meant it, I left work beaming like an idiot. As though I had just won the lottery.

So obviously I was looking forward to 2008 like crazy. Week 1, 2008, he did not come in, neither did he come in week 2,3 and 4. I was really sad about not seeing him. But today he made an appearance. I was so shocked at how happy I was to see him. I was grinning stupidly. Told him it was good to have him back, he held my gaze for a moment too long. My insides were doing cartwheels. When he leaves he touches my shoulder. I love that, it feels intimate but not doesn’t look weird to the others around. I don’t know if the touches are an Italian thing too. I am so looking forward to seeing him next week.

What usually happens in this situation is nothing comes of it. Because I never make the first move and they don’t. So it becomes one of those fleeting things that comes and then goes. But this time, I don’t want it to be fleeting, I would like to at least have a coffee with him. And before anyone suggests making the first move, I know me and I would rather sniff Johnny Vegas’ sweaty boxers, while running through a nettle field naked rather than make the move. Don’t ask me why but I can’t bring myself to do it. I am seriously hoping he does, I mean he is old enough to be experienced in these matters because he is old enough to be my dad 😉

January 30, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Romance, Work | 7 Comments

Protected: Things that make you go hmmmm

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January 25, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Rant, Romance | Enter your password to view comments.

Random Nights

music.jpg Tagged along with my flatmates, to their friend’s bar. I had heard stories about the bar, you know bar brawls, broken windows that sort of thing. So I was expecting a dive of a place, however when I got there it was quite a charming little bar. Very cosy, with a jazz band playing…nice!! So arrived very sober, we perched ourselves by the bar, ordered our drinks, and it started.

A random American guy just got into the middle of our group and said, ‘You know, it sho is nace to hear people speaking English around here’. Okaaay. He introduced himself and we introduced ourselves. His name was Wayne. Wayne looked a bit like Daniel Craig, which I mentioned. My housemate chipped in saying, “that was subtle”. I guess it sounded like a pick up line but totally wasn’t supposed to be. He was cute, and spoke in a Forest Gump kinda way. I had this feeling that he was going to latch unto us for the whole night, which he did but it ended up being a good thing. Wayne turned out to be a really nice guy.

The band playing, were so ‘jazzy’, I mean the double bass player at a point looked like he was making love to his instrument (no pun) and the guy on the drums was contorting his face so much he was giving Joe Cocker a run for his money.  It was so entertaining. The music was good and I was trying really hard to be adult and appreciate it but it was hard trying not to pee my pants from laughter. Anyway as the beer flowed and the time went by, the freaks came out of the woodwork.

Rockabilly guy – Late 40s with bad teeth. Came up to me, shook my hands and promptly told me how much he loved rock-a-billy music. Didn’t understand a word he said and in between words he would burst into song.  And playing the imaginary harmonica.

Scary lady – Met her in the smoking hurdle outside. (Smoking not permitted inside buildings now). She spoke at a million decibels and informed us ‘a good kid is a dead kid’. Okaayyyyyyyyy.

Amourous man – In his 60s, had a habit of kissing my hand, forcing me to kiss his, linking hands, trying to kiss me on the lips (shudder) and trying to get free beer from our pitcher. Also had a weird obsession with the natural gap between my front teeth.

The needy lady- Fairly attractive lady in her late 20s. Has a reputation for picking up a different guy every weekend at the same bar.  She got her claws into Wayne as soon as she walked into the bar. She went for a cigarette with Wayne and never came back. Hmmmmm

The domino man – As described, he kept collapsing on people causing a Domino effect.

The dead man – Early 60s, didn’t move a muscle and stared ahead, wore a hat too.

The stood-up guy- Late 30s, met a lady the previous evening, and felt a ‘close proximity’ to her. Arranged to meet her but she never showed. Foolish lady, he was quite fit!!

The I-am-drunk-but-trying-not-to-show-it lady – Late 20s, had a bit too much to drink and was talking to every Tom, Dick and Harry at the bar. Clearly pissed but trying to convince herself and others that she is stone cold sober. Ermm this was me!!

It was a fun night yall  🙂

January 13, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Music, Romance, Uncategorized | 4 Comments