Little Miss Awkward

I just can’t help it!!

We all in da club

dancing.jpg ‘Twas a friend’s birthday a while ago and after a few drinks and apperitifs at her house, someone decided that we should go to a club. I look at my watch 1am, isn’t it a bit late to go clubbing? I was duly informed that we are going at the right time. As it has been a while since I have been to a club, I was a filled with a mixture of anxiety, anticipation, dread and excitement in equal measures. I love music and love to dance but it has been a while.

We got to the club, it was absolutely pissing it down and we had to queue outside for ages. Now I remember why it has been while since I have been clubbing. Got in the club, and things started looking up. The music was great, the atmosphere was good, it was just about people wanting to have a good time. As I got down on the dance floor, to my relief, I realised that I still had it 🙂

The good time I had was quite often interrupted by a couple of guys who asked me to dance. Normally this is not a problem, as it is nice to asked but at the same token, all I agreed to was a dance not a dry humping and groping session. It was awful, hands everywhere, hard things rubbing against me that really had no business doing that or being hard in the first place. I spent most of my time removing hands and trying to get some air between our bodies.  The guys were not my cup of tea, so that didn’t help matters. I don’t know maybe if it was a guy that got my eyebrows twitching (this is not a euphemism) I might not have been adverse to some bump ‘n’ grind action but some thing told me that this was the closest a couple of these guys had come to an erotic moment in a decade (shudder).

Is this what clubbing is about these days, random men trying to cop-a-feel?


September 30, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Music, Rant, Romance, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Top Film/TV Dance Scenes

Was listening to ‘Canned Heat’ by that talented gob shite Jay Kay, and it brought some great memories of one of my fave quirky films Napoleon Dynamite, and it got me thinking about film/tv dance sequences that I love. Here are my faves.

  • The Office“I sort of fused Flashdance with some MC Hammer shit” (pure class)
  • Napoleon Dynamite – Needs no explanation
  • Dirty Dancing“No one puts Baby in the corner”, Fave dance sequence is not the final one but the first one when Baby sees them ‘dirty dancing’ for the first time after helping to carry the melons.
  • West Side Story – One of my top three musicals, virtually all the dance sequences are top notch but I think this is my fave. Easy to see where the inspiration for Michael Jackson’s ‘Bad’ video came from.
  • Breakin’ – Breakdance movie that came out in the 80s. This is the obligatory ‘teaching scene’ you get in every dance movie.  Really bad acting but impressive dance moves (Jean Claude Van Damme had a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it part in this film).
  • Saturday Night Fever‘You should be dancing’. I love disco!!
  • Hair – ‘Aquarius’, One of the best opening sequences for a film/musical (my opinion). Great choreography..

September 22, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Music, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Step away from the boulangerie…

scales.jpg Like all best laid plans, my attempt at weight loss or any kind of health regime has fallen by the way side. If I knew what I know now, I would have really made a bigger effort before I came France, because now I am here it is like mission impossible to get rid of the excess poids. Okay it is not mission impossible but when you have zilch willpower (like me) it is double hard.

However I really have to knuckle down and do something because the scales are so going the wrong way. If I continue at this rate, they will have to ship me back home as cargo. I have been plodding along, being quite content and doing my own thing (and eating my way through the city) but the crunch came when I went to buy a pair of trousers. My arse looked like a couple of kilos of squashed grapes stuffed in two bags about to burst. I mean white trousers favour no one unless you are Kate Moss but this looked ridiculous.

Watching my flatmate’s eating habit is fascinating. Like most men I know, he has a healthy attitude to food (why aren’t women the same). He is like a kid, he loves his bowl of chocolate milk in the morning. I kid you not, he drinks hot chocolate milk from a bowl, and he is happy to go. I think it is a French thing.  He eats three meals a day and rarely snacks in between apart from when he wants an ice cream, he has it.  He is like a creature of habit, the way he always has his fruit compote and yogurt after dinner.

Now me on the other hand, I go for the listen-to-my-body approach. And my body says its’  hungry all the time 🙂 But I think I will be trying to adopt flatmate’s habit. He’s way of eating is just common sense and old fashioned really. Three square meals a day. 

ps: any tips will be greatly appreciated. Please don’t suggest jaw wiring because that is just silly 🙂

September 18, 2007 Posted by | Battle of the Bulge, Blogroll, France, Rant | 8 Comments

Siamese Twins

twins.jpg I was inspired to write this post by Chitty’s latest blog entry. Very early on during my stay in France, I met a really nice guy, who I would call the first friend I made here. Francois* was unbelievably generous with his time, friendship and support. He was extremely encouraging and helped me so much. When we met up, we had interesting conversations about himself, his/my life, his/my worries and hopes. Then he began dating a girl called Simone* and this has changed our relationship.

I totally understand that when you start seeing someone you want to spend as much time with that person. My issue is not that I don’t get to see F as much as I want, we never really saw each other that much in the first place, so it really isn’t a problem. The problem is that whenever we do meet up she has to be there. Usually I am the more the merrier type but her presence means that we never really have conversations about meaningful stuff anymore. And I sometimes catch her giving me looks. When we are all together, there are uncomfortable periods of silence. Like we have nothing to talk about, because we don’t. It now feels like hard work whenever we talk.

I don’t know if she thinks I am after him because I really don’t see him in that way. Never have and never will. I also have this inkling that F might be gay. Like someone once said, my feelings are that he is so way back in the closet, he could have a second home in Narnia. I might be wrong but my instincts tell me that might be the case. Also before S and F became Siamese twins he confided in me that he does not have the same feelings for her, as she does for him.

I read  Almost French by Sarah Turnbull a while back. She wrote about her experiences living in France with a guy she met on her travels. She describes the cold treatment she received from one of her partner’s female friends. This reminded me a lot of that. Don’t get me wrong, S makes an effort with me but I know she doesn’t like having me around, so why does she come when I meet up with F.

Is it unreasonable for you boyfriend to have female friends? Surely it is okay to have your own friends, both male and female? Can they only meet up when you are present? Would I be okay with my boyfriend meeting a female friend for coffee? Oh I don’t know, maybe I am being totally unreasonable.

 *obviously not real names

September 13, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Rant, Romance | 2 Comments

Love Search Engines

question.jpg Just had to post this. This is a question someone has asked that has directed them to my blog 😛

  • does pineapple make your c*m taste good? Nuff said…….

September 10, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Little Britain

franglais.jpg Back from one of my flying visits to the UK ,  I was hit by how different we are. I mean we are only less than two hours away but the differences are so vast. From the moment I hit the airport, everything felt really weird. Everything seemed louder, bigger, faster, busier and brighter for some weird reason. When I heard a young mother telling her bawling child to “shat yer fekking marf before I smack yer one” I knew I was home 🙂

A few weeks ago on a very hot afternoon, I noticed the look of horror on my French colleagues face when another English colleague of ours walked into the office with her large  tummy hanging out and jeans sagging down, My English colleague was walking around like that without a care in the world but the French lady couldn’t hide her disgust. I didn’t think anything of it but being back home recently I began to see us Brits with French eyes.

I noticed lots of loud shouty parents, with their loud shouty kids. I saw tons of tummies and arses out on display.  I smelt the stench of BO and stale garlic on crowded trains. I overhead lots of conversations about things that really had no business being aired in public. Home as I see it now looks so different.

To be honest, I do miss parts of Little Britain but I also realise I really really enjoy the calmer state of affairs that France gives me. I feel quite lucky that I have a bit of both..

Aside: Flat mate is walking around in his boxers. I like hairy guys but my dear flat mate is tittering on that fine line between very hairy man and bigfoot!!

September 9, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, France, Rant, Work | 4 Comments

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September 4, 2007 Posted by | Battle of the Bulge, Blogroll, France, Music, Rant, Work | Enter your password to view comments.